I Will Always Love You. Please Don't Forget It.

So I read a friends blog today that made me think about you. I don't quite know how to start this but I guess I'll just start.

Sophomore year was not the best year for me. Many people know that. And you should too, but I don't know if you do. That's the problem. We've drifted so much sophomore year that I don't know how long it's gonna take to completely catch up with you. I hope you would want to catch up with me too. Well if we do end up catching up, at least we'll have something to talk about every time we talk to each other. And that's one of the things I love the most about our friendship. We can be so open and so random that we will never run out of things to say to each other or just to talk about in general.

I guess what was done sophomore year hurt me so much that I lost trust in you. I felt so betrayed. You were my best friend, and hopefully still are. But I trusted you with my deepest secret and you let me down. I thought I stressed enough how much I wanted it to be a secret but I guess it wasn't enough. And you told my secret to the last person I would want to know. You told her and lied to me about it afterwards. I was hoping that maybe there was a chance that she would regret her decision, but now she probably knows that she made the right choice. And no I'm not blaming you. I just want you to know how I felt when all of this happened. And how you lied time after time when I would ask you if you did what I thought you did. That made everything so much worse because you got caught up in a web of lies that kept growing and growing.

I don't even remember how we stopped communicating with each other. I know I seemed happy on the outside during the time, but truth is, I was so depressed. There were so many problems I was facing and I didn't know how to deal with them all at once. It made me regret a lot of my choices. It made me regret telling you, it made me regret trying out for choir, it made me regret a whole portion of my freshman year in high school. Thankfully, I sooner learned to stop regretting because the past is in the past. And I write this not to make you feel bad, but to let you know how hurt I was. I'll admit that I was so bitter that I started to talk badly behind your back. And I regret doing that as well because I became what I hated, a bad friend.

There was a day that you didn't know about where I stayed after school to go to a friend's birthday party. I was talking about you to my other friend while walking in the hallway. I broke down. As I sat down on the carpeted hallway against the lockers, my tears poured out and wouldn't stop. Later that day, someone asked my why I looked like I just cried. I answered with "There's too much wind and it's irritating my eyes." I didn't know what else to say. I guess I just wasn't ready to forgive you.

This summer I talked to you maybe twice. I hung out with you once. I'm glad we're talking again, but I feel like it's my fault that we drifted this far apart. I should have made more of an effort. I'm so sorry for talking behind your back. I'm sorry for not always being there. I'm sorry for missing your sweet sixteen. I hope you can forgive me.

I still consider you as my best friend. And right now, I'm listening to our old recordings of us singing together. Remember the song we wrote and the covers we did? I'm trying to hold back my tears right now, but I miss it so much. (Woops there goes a tear). I miss you.

"I wish our love stayed the same." - Fool. (Remember when we wrote it? It took us forever.)

Est. February 10, 2006. I love you and I always will.