OK!DK

I just want to say how proud I am of OK!DK.
Hey... that rhymes hehe.
We now have the opportunity to share our talents with other wonderfully talented individuals during our workshops on Friday's.
We LOVE dancing with everyone who is willing to enjoy dancing with us.

I just wanted to say thank you to all the people who come to our workshops.
Thank you to those who support us and believe in us.
We won't let you down.


[[ Youtube - http://www.youtube.com/user/JeRmAe1207 ]]
[[ Myspace - http://www.myspace.com/okdancekrew ]]

Check out our profiles for updates! :D

Just the Idea

Okay.

I'm pretty sure I know where I want to stand now.
JUST. That's where I want to be.
Not MORE... JUST.
I like how things are because I'm not tied down.
Not tied down to the wrong person.
MORE would mean the wrong person.
JUST is fine so life can just continue separately.

Fell back in love with the IDEA... just the idea.

Work. Dance. Love?

Today I went to Hollister to print out my schedule. And once again... I'm not scheduled any hours for the second week. This is ridiculous! I gotta go find a better job. I mean, don't get me wrong, I'm thankful that I even have a job, but if I'm going to be independent and pay for my senior year... this isn't gonna cut it. But I know I'll find a way to make money.

OK!DK had our first workshop ever on Friday, November 20. It was bomb! The people who attended were amazing. They learn very fast and were so determined that they finished the whole routine in an hour. It was such a treat to teach them because they didn't give us any grief at all. Hopefully more people come next time and hopefully we'll see some familiar faces. This is the start of everything :D

Right now... I am confused... I don't know what I want and it's hard for me to make choices. I don't want to regress... but I'm the kind of person that gives you the benefit of the doubt. I hate that I'm like that. I still have issues trusting... but I want to be able to trust... I just need reassurance. And I don't know where we stand. I'm pretty sure we BOTH don't know where we stand. Hopefully we'll find out soon.

Crazy Superstition.

Friday the 13th was FAIL to the max.

I'm on the exclusion list.

Flakers.

Disrespectful potheads who shouldn't open their mouths.

It was freezing.

Thanks for telling me.

Who are you to try to sabotage what we have?!

Out of all the people.... it had to be you..

Did I make the right decision or do I keep making the same mistake?

Hello Again.

Hey Blogspot! It's been a while.

Let's start with today yeah?
Today I went to the DMV to take my permit test. Unfortunately the lines were so long that I didn't make the deadline time so I couldn't take it. But that's okay. I got a receipt that says I can just go back whenever and take the test without hassle. So I'm going back on Thursday before work so I can just get it over with. I got my picture taken already though. It wasn't THAT bad. Good thing I was dressed pretty nice today because of Nerd Day.

Yup. This week is homecoming week and we have days that we dress up as something. Yesterday was toga day... but it was waaaayyy too cold to be wearing a toga. Today was Nerd Day. Tomorrow we don't have school but I do have a tenor sectional at Andrew's house. Thursday is Senior Citizen Day. Yeah.... no. I am not going to school looking like an 80 year old that looks like a 15 year old. Friday is our color day. Seniors are black. Woooop. SENIORS!!

Friday is also homecoming game. I plan to go since "it is my senior year" (says Maria). She's right. It's my last homecoming game as a high school student and hopefully I get to spend it with my good friends.

Saturday. I have show choir practice on Saturday! FUUUNN!! As much as it can get irritating at Saturday practices, I still love being there. I mean, yeah, I would love it waaay more if people would just shut their pie holes and listened. But hey, some things never change. Hopefully we can get the next song done so we can have more time to clean the set. After practice.... I guess I'm going to homecoming dance as well. "It is my senior year." Apparently I have a date. And hey, I'm not complaining. But I'm also not expecting. Because when I do and my expectations aren't met... It feels like crap. Just hope for the best.

But overall though... I'm really okay by myself. As much as I want someone to be there for me... I don't NEED anyone there. It'd just be nice. And all I gotta do is be patient.

Be patient, Mix. Be patient.

Damn. Bummer.

Hello again blogger. I've missed updating you.

Today wasn't the best day I had.
I hate how history keeps repeating itself even when I thought I had ran far enough to avoid the scenario.
I respect the reasons for the actions.
It's perfectly understandable.
I gotta stop getting my hopes so high just so they could fall at the absolute last minute.
I'm so tired of always writing about something negative.
When I look back at my old posts... It was depressing.
I wanna, for once, write about something good that's happened to me.
Something that's never happened before.
Yes, I admit that the things that I heard that were said were things that I've never heard someone say...about me anyway.
It was really flattering and sweet.
I just wish that people would actually put their money where their mouth is and actually do something instead of putting it off.
I'm not angry... I'm just bummed out.

For now, I'll try to think on the positive side.
Hey, I've made it this long... Why not a little longer?

Hoping For the Better

So back to my drama. (Haha)

I finally wanted to stop avoiding him. On Sunday, I really wanted to talk to him, just us two. But it never happened because of some unfortunate turns during the day. I mean, of course I was bummed, but I couldn't really do anything about it. I wanted just to talk to him and tell him everything that I wanted to tell him. I wanted to tell him in person because it would have seemed more sincere. Well later on that night he called me. I tried to tell him what I wanted to say but I couldn't seem to find the words.

I guess I'll try to put them here since I don't know how to say them out loud:
"I miss you. I miss having someone to talk to at the end of my day... Because now that there's nobody there, it feels like something is missing. Even though we didn't always get along when we would talk on the phone, it still made my day to know that someone loves me enough to argue with me... and that someone would take the time and effort for me, even if it was for not so happy reasons. I guess I was being a jerk because I get jealous easily. I mean, I know I should be over it, but truth is, I don't know if I ever will. You've impacted my life too much for me to just make you disappear. Sometimes I try to lose contact with you for my own sake, but it kills me in the end. I am so sorry for giving up on you. I should have never done that. And no one deserves to be treated like how I treated you. I never want to give up on you again. Please don't let me. I guess what they say is true: you can't live with them, but you can't live without them. Sometimes, I can't stand you. But sometimes, I can't stand not having you around. No matter what happens, no matter how bad it gets between us... Just remember that I love you and I always will. You're my best friend and I don't want to keep losing you."

Unfinished Thought

Oh hey. Look I'm back only two days later. I think it's because I actually have time because I'm at the choir kid's after school practices. So I just went to everyone's blogs and not many people blog here that much anymore. It kinda sucks. I mean if I had internet at home there would be much more posts.

Well my day was pretty okay today. Nothing special really that I need to talk about that happened today.

But yesterday... I got a phone call from someone unexpected. Unexpected, only because we haven't spoken in a while, especially on the phone. Anyway, when I picked up the phone, his tone was very serious. He said to me, "Mix, we need to talk," which made me think it was something important. Maybe something was bothering him. Maybe he just needed a shoulder to cry on. But no, it was nothing important ("Nothing, I was just bored"). Okay. That's fine. But still, something tells me that there are things he wants to say to me.

During most of the conversation, I was being "mean" to him. I guess. I don't think I was being that mean because all I was doing was stating the truth and saying what's on my mind. I guess my tone could have been a little less harsh, but can you blame me for my bitterness? Of course I don't like being mean to him or to anyone, but I'm tired of him always getting what he wants.

I didn't notice until now that he has so much power. People just can't seem to say no to him. I don't know if he gets his power by making people feel sorry for him but that's what it seems like. I don't want to seem heartless because I care for him a lot. I'm just tired of being one of those people who give him what he wants. Sometimes, you can't have what you want and I guess I do what I do to teach him a lesson and to teach myself as well.

It's Been A While

Wow... Here I am... February 17th. I haven't been on in over a month.

I really wish my computer still worked.
Well I'm in Shane-O's office because I'm waiting for the choir kids to get out of practice. Since I lost my internet, I kinda stopped blogging here. Well I'm updating now I guess.

A lot has happened in a month. Well not really, but it seems like it. Still the same old routine everyday. Nothing really new or significant enough for me to mention. Well, I can't think of anything at the moment anyway. Well I dropped my calculus class because it was too difficult for me and it was ruining my GPA. I guess I'm less stressed now that I dropped it, but for some reason, it doesn't feel like such a big change.
I think I need a big change in my life. I've been thinking lately about if there's anything about my life or my lifestyle that I should change. I wouldn't say that I'm depressed, but I wouldn't say that I'm happy either. SOMETIMES, I'm content. Maybe a small change can turn into something bigger? But what do I change? Should I change because of all the pressure I get from my environment or do I just be myself? I know it sounds like such a give-away but I honestly don't know.

There's so many other things going through my head that I don't think I have time to talk about in one sitting. That's interesting because my life is pretty boring considering that I follow a daily routine that I've grown accustomed to. I guess I'm just tired of the same crap I get from the same people on a regular basis.

I know it sounds very general right now, but maybe next time I post, I'll go into more detail.
But I think that's it for now.

Update

Happy New Year!

I haven't been on in while because my computer crashed. It wouldn't even turn on. Poops. But this Christmas my parents got me and itouch!!! I was so happy! But it sucked cause that's what I use for internet access now. And it won't let me blog here so that was a downer. Well at least it's better than nothing. I've been meaning to update here but I couldn't so I'll try to cram it all in now.

Well things are going pretty good. I don't have any current drama, I don't think so anyway. I'm doing fine without having to talk to certain people. It's good to know that we can still be friends even though it's not the same as before. At least it's something. My break went pretty okay. I went out all week for the first week then stayed home the second week. It was pretty okay. I didn't really do anything that interesting this break, but it was still good.

Now I'm back in school. Yay! Stress...T_T. I don't know how I'm doing in my AP Calculus class, but I hope I'm at least getting by. I just want to pass this semester even if it's not the grade that I want it to be. At this point, I just don't want to have to end up repeating the class. And there's stress from other classes to but that's the main one. Well, I don't want to make this too long so that's my brief update of my life. I'll try to write more... whenever I can.

Peace, love and lipstick. XP