A Year of Pain.

I can't believe you're making me regret writing that last blog. I thought we would be able to talk about it after I took the role of actually breaking the ice between us. I ask you if you have something against me because you seem like you don't ever want to talk to me. "You only text me when you're bored." Crap! I texted you this morning saying "good morning" and I never got a text back. And please stop trying to pull the "Oh you did?" crap because I know you got it. You just refuse to reply. That's fine with me, but if you still have a problem, TALK TO ME! You're my best friend! How can you just avoid everything? You hurt me so much and you keep on doing it. I've put up with you for so long and you're gonna just waste what we had?! You're such a complicated person! Please don't tell me any more "I miss you... I haven't liked anyone like that since you...I love you..." crap if you don't mean it. I'm so tired of all the lies that I force myself to believe just so we can keep a good relationship. I'm tired of having to be the one to come up to you to fix everything. Especially this time, it was not even my fault and, yet I was still the one to come up to you because I love you too much to waste our friendship on one incident. But apparently, you don't feel the same way... Fine.

Thank You.

I'm glad that I talked to you today. Even though it would have been nice if you had tried to instead of me, I just couldn't take seeing you and not talking to you. I tried to say as much as I can in the little time that I had, but I couldn't say everything. Even though I said a brief summary of what I wanted to say, I would still like to talk to you. Even though it's not the best topic, I'm glad that we're speaking to each other again. It doesn't matter what we're talking about, good or bad, I still love talking to you. And I'm glad that we're not gonna spend another Christmas fighting with you. It's weird how we always fight during holiday season. But if anything like that ever happens again, no more ignoring the situation, okay? I don't ever want this to happen again because it was unnecessary. I almost lost my best friend. I don't ever want that to happen to us. I love you too much...

Lost

It's not fair. You don't get to do that to me. You know that I had feelings for you and you took advantage of it. You don't even know how hurt I am. You tell me that you appreciate me, but you never show me. Monday night, I tried to talk to you about it. I was crying on the phone!... And you told me to "just forget about it." You can't tell someone to forget something that big. It meant so much to me and when I asked you what it meant to you... you said, "I don't know. Just forget about it, Mix..." Forget about it?! It's not fair that I have to forget about something that YOU did. The truth is, I can't forget about it. I tried calling you back after you hung up on me that night. You didn't pick up or call back. Thanks... that really shows me how much you appreciate me. It's been five days and counting that you've been avoiding the problem. No, I don't want to talk to you at school until you gather up the balls to talk to me about what happened. We both let it happen and it's not fair that I'm the only one that tried to fix it. I cried my eyes out that night... but just that night. I've been holding them in until now. Everything is just pouring out. I've been bottling it up so much that now, all my tears are running down my face. And even though you can't see me, you should know that you've hurt me so much. I don't want to look at you, but I want to see you. I don't want to have these feelings, but I do. I don't want to miss you, but I do. I don't want to love you, but I do...

I want to believe that you would be the one losing something good... but I honestly feel like I've lost something that I loved.