Hoping For the Better

So back to my drama. (Haha)

I finally wanted to stop avoiding him. On Sunday, I really wanted to talk to him, just us two. But it never happened because of some unfortunate turns during the day. I mean, of course I was bummed, but I couldn't really do anything about it. I wanted just to talk to him and tell him everything that I wanted to tell him. I wanted to tell him in person because it would have seemed more sincere. Well later on that night he called me. I tried to tell him what I wanted to say but I couldn't seem to find the words.

I guess I'll try to put them here since I don't know how to say them out loud:
"I miss you. I miss having someone to talk to at the end of my day... Because now that there's nobody there, it feels like something is missing. Even though we didn't always get along when we would talk on the phone, it still made my day to know that someone loves me enough to argue with me... and that someone would take the time and effort for me, even if it was for not so happy reasons. I guess I was being a jerk because I get jealous easily. I mean, I know I should be over it, but truth is, I don't know if I ever will. You've impacted my life too much for me to just make you disappear. Sometimes I try to lose contact with you for my own sake, but it kills me in the end. I am so sorry for giving up on you. I should have never done that. And no one deserves to be treated like how I treated you. I never want to give up on you again. Please don't let me. I guess what they say is true: you can't live with them, but you can't live without them. Sometimes, I can't stand you. But sometimes, I can't stand not having you around. No matter what happens, no matter how bad it gets between us... Just remember that I love you and I always will. You're my best friend and I don't want to keep losing you."