Changes In Time

So I remember talking to you last weekend on the phone. It was a pretty interesting conversation. I finally brought up the topic of our history. I know that every time we talk on the phone, we are both thinking about what happened with us in the past. And last weekend, I finally said something. The topic was being avoided too often. So then the conversation took a turn in that direction and out came the honesty.
You did hurt me a lot. I spent a whole year in hell, tortured by my own feelings and failures. I was tortured by the feeling of failure and the failure of my feelings. My grades were so bad because I was distracted by phone calls. I was distracted by the phone calls that should not have occurred because I knew that what I was doing was wrong. But I did it anyway. I know that I shouldn't say that my "feelings were wrong." but they just seemed wrong. Even though I could not help the way I felt, it still felt like I was doing something that I shouldn't have been doing.
You told me that last year "wasn't fake, it was real." How do I know that? I'm sorry to say, but much of the things you promise me are almost never followed through. Sometimes I think that it's all talk. And I always go by the saying of "actions speak louder than words." I think that talk is all you have. Well, that's all I've gotten from you anyway. Whenever you promised me something, you raised my hopes higher and higher just so I could fall that much more when you go back on your word the next day.
Now, I guess I'm okay. I guess it still gets to me how you talk about "hitting it and quitting it." That's not the person I knew a year ago. I got to know a sweet, loving person, who now turned into a flirtatious, depressed individual. You turning just like into the jerks and the whores that I dislike. And to be honest with myself, there's still a small part of me that cares a lot. You're still one of my very good friends, even though we have been drifting apart lately. I just want my old friend back, the one I met and fell for because of the good qualities I saw. Just bring that person back.